Aren’t we all extremely tired of asking and answering the same questions aaaall over again? Where I am from… What am I doing here… How long am I staying… What do I do for a living… Where do I plan to go next… I’m boring myself just by typing them right now. But, wait! Stay with me. I trying to make a point here.
We all know how it goes: you enter the bar, find some familiar faces, sit with them, and order your drink. Some newcomers eventually also sit next to you… and the nightmare begins. The same circle, a repetition. Worse than a Freudian dream. You find yourself again trying to both be polite, still avoid telling the story of your life, neither listen to someone else’s. You know you’ll forget it all anyway, soon. So I came up with some inspiration for you guys, so you can use the following cues to google into the next bunch of -very possibly- interesting people you meet by chance at these meetings. Hoping this time to find a different outcome than a rejection to attend to the next one. Is not the first time I’m using words and a quiz to figure out if I can bond with others. As a former psychologist, I learned to ask about intriguing things, not the obvious ones. As a traveler, I learned to go beyond borders. And as a simple person, I learned to not waste time and energy on situations that make me uncomfortable or not inspire me. With no further to do, here they are! Make them yours and adapt them to your own interests, as I was giving you a toolbox!
What is your favourite planet and why?
In the millennial age, Astrology has become the new pop queen of religions. As much as if you are obsessed with ascendants and full moons as if you are one of those who would prefer to eat their whole life without salt, rather than listen to another person ask you "what sign are you?"... I am sure this is a key question you want to ask on the first night. The horoscope and the stars arouse very intense passions... both for its fans and its detractors. Better to know who your allies are as soon as possible! What do you keep in the second drawer of your wardrobe? No, I didn't get that one wrong. I'm not crazy either, nor did I lose the thread of this article.This question is a great trick I offer you to test the level of paranoia of your possible new best friend in town. If they go like: “underwear, t-shirts, my important documents, a case with bills and coins from the countries I've visited…" Perfect, you're safe! All good. You can move on to the next question or round of drinks. Even better, if they say “what kind of weird question is that? Of course, I just keep socks, like everyone else! Don't you?" This is also good news. They are people with well trained high alert system. Now, if the person answers something like: “my knives / my mother's photo / my ex's underwear / my fake Kyrgyz Republic passport / my puppy's teeth…” Ok, you don't need any more examples. You know you gotta start running!!!! If we could go back in time, and you were Christopher Columbus, would you prefer to arrive with your ships to the Americas, or to India?
This may be, by far, my favourite question. Nothing sexier than discussing history and politics in a fantasy context. Test the other person's knowledge, but not to see if they had all “A's” in high school. We are not really interested in what they do or don’t know about world history. What matters to us is finding out where they stand, and what are their thoughts about some empires occupying territories, taking advantage of their resources... After all, we are ex-pats, and it could be expected that arriving in distant lands should be common to us, yet somehow contradictory. No civilization in the world has avoided the effects and consequences of such historical events. I think it’s an excellent opportunity to investigate the values of the other person and find out if they coincide, at the same time that we can generate a debate or exchange points of view about a fact that, we suppose, most of us are aware of since it had a radical impact in the history of humanity.
What is your favourite national holiday and why? Often, these meetings for foreigners confront us over and over again with stereotypes of our culture of origin, and the other’s. Something like we Latinos are passionate and not punctual… Nordics drink more alcohol… Those from there talk too loud… Those from over there are not trustworthy / don't like to work / are too family attached… you name it…I spent a lot of time defending myself against some of these claims as if they were accusations against me and my countrymen and women. And other times, I spent as many hours trying to understand how a person I had just met did not respond to the canons that the repetition of urban myths made me think. A German guy who was late. A Greek man who wasn't interested in spending time with his family. A Chinese woman who didn't know how to use a camera
. But what does that have to do with the national holiday? Very simple: do we not seek in these meetings to meet people, instead of cultures? I think the national holiday we like the most usually represents something special, it is our personal history, it has a unique meaning, while it allows us to tell something about our traditions that, perhaps, many do not know. A perfect intersection between our cradle and our will.
As an example, I tell you mine: the carnival. Did you know in Argentina we also have a carnival? And it is celebrated in different ways, depending on the region. Maybe not as worldwide famous as Rio or Venice. But we do have a very good one. For us, it’s a pagan celebration that unites the opening of the harvest season and the liberation of some sins before starting the Lent the Catholics imposed with colonization. This tradition brings together what culture was before the invasion, and its mutation into something new, by adaptation. And today it means partying, summer, we don't go to work, we play with paint and spread it all over our faces and clothes, we dance like there’s no tomorrow by the river until the sun comes up... You see? Now you have a better idea of who I am, where I come from, and what things I like to do 🙂 Now we could plan our next play date together!
Would you rather live in a world without insects or without spiders?
Let's not underestimate the value of the most innocent questions: once again, investigating topics that seem random can be the best ally to delve into a stranger’s mind. With this simple question, we can discover many of their thought processes and behaviors. Possibly you’ve heard already that people make decisions based on fear or love. Have you? Many times, this can teach us if we will be compatible or complementary (in friendship or in business). Well, getting someone we just met to explain to us if they prefer to live on a planet without spiders -because maybe they are afraid of them-, can teach us if this person has a preference for satisfying their own needs rather than caring for the planet’s ecosystem. Or perhaps, we’d learn they are very self-confident, and not afraid to expose themselves at a table with us -total strangers- and talk about their possible phobias. Is there anything more attractive than a person assuming on the first date they are aware of their weaknesses? It could be the type of partner you would like to set up your next startup with.
Do you prefer winter or summer?
Welcome to the million-dollar question. No one is going to win a million euros by answering it, though. The answer may be a million different options, although it may not seem like it. The way we reply to this simple question can show the other our ability to summarize, to be assertive, to get to the point without going off the rails. Let's look at some examples: “I like summer but only in the beginning because after 4 weeks I already want to go to the mountains and breathe fresh air, I can't stand sweating”. Ok: we are facing a case of commitment phobia. Don't say I didn't warn you! This person will give a thousand excuses before agreeing to go with you to the next country or book a hotel for that dream week in Korčula. "I prefer winter, I can't stand spending a day with more than 10 degrees, I love snow and ski" We are in Split, the city of sun, coffee, and good life. Why is this person planning to spend April, May, June, and July here? Either they didn't do their homework well, or this person is going totally against his/her wishes. Again, as we say in Argentina: “the fish dies through the mouth” or “you are gonna bite your tongue”. What was your worst event with ex-pats? And the best?
You'll be able to explore a little more about the travel history and experiences of people at your table, without directly asking where they've been before or where they are from. You could also find out if you have common interests, and this can also lead you guys to be the next event organizers for the following week, and this time choosing something you both like to do! In fact, playing with these very same questions, my friend Jess and I ended up organizing a weekend in Mostar with other ex-pats we had just met at the bar 3 nights before. It was one of the best road trips ever!
Aren’t we all extremely tired of asking and answering the same questions aaaall over again? Where I am from… What am I doing here… How long am I staying… What do I do for a living… Where do I plan to go next… I’m boring myself just by typing them right now. But, wait! Stay with me. I trying to make a point here.
We all know how it goes: you enter the bar, find some familiar faces, sit with them, and order your drink. Some newcomers eventually also sit next to you… and the nightmare begins. The same circle, a repetition. Worse than a Freudian dream. You find yourself again trying to both be polite, still avoid telling the story of your life, neither listen to someone else’s. You know you’ll forget it all anyway, soon. So I came up with some inspiration for you guys, so you can use the following cues to google into the next bunch of -very possibly- interesting people you meet by chance at these meetings. Hoping this time to find a different outcome than a rejection to attend to the next one. Is not the first time I’m using words and a quiz to figure out if I can bond with others. As a former psychologist, I learned to ask about intriguing things, not the obvious ones. As a traveler, I learned to go beyond borders. And as a simple person, I learned to not waste time and energy on situations that make me uncomfortable or not inspire me. With no further to do, here they are! Make them yours and adapt them to your own interests, as I was giving you a toolbox!
What is your favourite planet and why?
In the millennial age, Astrology has become the new pop queen of religions. As much as if you are obsessed with ascendants and full moons as if you are one of those who would prefer to eat their whole life without salt, rather than listen to another person ask you "what sign are you?"... I am sure this is a key question you want to ask on the first night. The horoscope and the stars arouse very intense passions... both for its fans and its detractors. Better to know who your allies are as soon as possible! What do you keep in the second drawer of your wardrobe? No, I didn't get that one wrong. I'm not crazy either, nor did I lose the thread of this article.This question is a great trick I offer you to test the level of paranoia of your possible new best friend in town. If they go like: “underwear, t-shirts, my important documents, a case with bills and coins from the countries I've visited…" Perfect, you're safe! All good. You can move on to the next question or round of drinks. Even better, if they say “what kind of weird question is that? Of course, I just keep socks, like everyone else! Don't you?" This is also good news. They are people with well trained high alert system. Now, if the person answers something like: “my knives / my mother's photo / my ex's underwear / my fake Kyrgyz Republic passport / my puppy's teeth…” Ok, you don't need any more examples. You know you gotta start running!!!! If we could go back in time, and you were Christopher Columbus, would you prefer to arrive with your ships to the Americas, or to India?
This may be, by far, my favourite question. Nothing sexier than discussing history and politics in a fantasy context. Test the other person's knowledge, but not to see if they had all “A's” in high school. We are not really interested in what they do or don’t know about world history. What matters to us is finding out where they stand, and what are their thoughts about some empires occupying territories, taking advantage of their resources... After all, we are ex-pats, and it could be expected that arriving in distant lands should be common to us, yet somehow contradictory. No civilization in the world has avoided the effects and consequences of such historical events. I think it’s an excellent opportunity to investigate the values of the other person and find out if they coincide, at the same time that we can generate a debate or exchange points of view about a fact that, we suppose, most of us are aware of since it had a radical impact in the history of humanity.
What is your favourite national holiday and why? Often, these meetings for foreigners confront us over and over again with stereotypes of our culture of origin, and the other’s. Something like we Latinos are passionate and not punctual… Nordics drink more alcohol… Those from there talk too loud… Those from over there are not trustworthy / don't like to work / are too family attached… you name it…I spent a lot of time defending myself against some of these claims as if they were accusations against me and my countrymen and women. And other times, I spent as many hours trying to understand how a person I had just met did not respond to the canons that the repetition of urban myths made me think. A German guy who was late. A Greek man who wasn't interested in spending time with his family. A Chinese woman who didn't know how to use a camera
. But what does that have to do with the national holiday? Very simple: do we not seek in these meetings to meet people, instead of cultures? I think the national holiday we like the most usually represents something special, it is our personal history, it has a unique meaning, while it allows us to tell something about our traditions that, perhaps, many do not know. A perfect intersection between our cradle and our will.
As an example, I tell you mine: the carnival. Did you know in Argentina we also have a carnival? And it is celebrated in different ways, depending on the region. Maybe not as worldwide famous as Rio or Venice. But we do have a very good one. For us, it’s a pagan celebration that unites the opening of the harvest season and the liberation of some sins before starting the Lent the Catholics imposed with colonization. This tradition brings together what culture was before the invasion, and its mutation into something new, by adaptation. And today it means partying, summer, we don't go to work, we play with paint and spread it all over our faces and clothes, we dance like there’s no tomorrow by the river until the sun comes up... You see? Now you have a better idea of who I am, where I come from, and what things I like to do 🙂 Now we could plan our next play date together!
Would you rather live in a world without insects or without spiders?
Let's not underestimate the value of the most innocent questions: once again, investigating topics that seem random can be the best ally to delve into a stranger’s mind. With this simple question, we can discover many of their thought processes and behaviors. Possibly you’ve heard already that people make decisions based on fear or love. Have you? Many times, this can teach us if we will be compatible or complementary (in friendship or in business). Well, getting someone we just met to explain to us if they prefer to live on a planet without spiders -because maybe they are afraid of them-, can teach us if this person has a preference for satisfying their own needs rather than caring for the planet’s ecosystem. Or perhaps, we’d learn they are very self-confident, and not afraid to expose themselves at a table with us -total strangers- and talk about their possible phobias. Is there anything more attractive than a person assuming on the first date they are aware of their weaknesses? It could be the type of partner you would like to set up your next startup with.
Do you prefer winter or summer?
Welcome to the million-dollar question. No one is going to win a million euros by answering it, though. The answer may be a million different options, although it may not seem like it. The way we reply to this simple question can show the other our ability to summarize, to be assertive, to get to the point without going off the rails. Let's look at some examples: “I like summer but only in the beginning because after 4 weeks I already want to go to the mountains and breathe fresh air, I can't stand sweating”. Ok: we are facing a case of commitment phobia. Don't say I didn't warn you! This person will give a thousand excuses before agreeing to go with you to the next country or book a hotel for that dream week in Korčula. "I prefer winter, I can't stand spending a day with more than 10 degrees, I love snow and ski" We are in Split, the city of sun, coffee, and good life. Why is this person planning to spend April, May, June, and July here? Either they didn't do their homework well, or this person is going totally against his/her wishes. Again, as we say in Argentina: “the fish dies through the mouth” or “you are gonna bite your tongue”. What was your worst event with ex-pats? And the best?
You'll be able to explore a little more about the travel history and experiences of people at your table, without directly asking where they've been before or where they are from. You could also find out if you have common interests, and this can also lead you guys to be the next event organizers for the following week, and this time choosing something you both like to do! In fact, playing with these very same questions, my friend Jess and I ended up organizing a weekend in Mostar with other ex-pats we had just met at the bar 3 nights before. It was one of the best road trips ever!
